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Unhealthy relationships can be so emotionally and spiritually damaging. It is imperative that you allow God to completely heal your heart before jumping into the arms of another. No matter how amazing a person is, marriage can’t mend a broken heart and it is not your husband’s job to fix you. Don’t take baggage and bitterness into your future.

This is a poem I wrote after realizing that I had gotten married to the man of my dreams, but was still holding on to anger and resentment someone else had caused. It is possible to poison the promise God has for you by not releasing the pain of your past. Today, I encourage you to take every hurt and disappointment and lay them at the feet of God. Allow Him to heal your heart from inside out with the soothing salve of his word.

Bitterness…

I spent so much time wondering how you would feel

How you would feel when I finally found the one

Found the one who could convince me that you were never worth the trouble at all

I secretly hoped that the pain would be so devastating

So life-changing that I could hear your heart breaking

In two.

I imagined the crunch of broken dreams

Your dreams beneath my feet

As I moved on

Taking big steps like

Casual dating, to steady, to marriage, and more children

I wanted to forget you

But I couldn’t stop hating you long enough

I wanted to hurt you

Hate you and hurt you

All while not caring

About your stupid new girlfriend

With the dazzling teeth and perfect hair

who cooks macaroni and cheese like a celebrity chef

 

I spent so much time wondering how you would feel that I

Forgot to.

Forgot to laugh at the joke he told me on the elevator

Forgot to say “thank you” for helping me carry my things inside

 On that rainy afternoon.

Forgot to notice that

I was beautiful in his eyes

Forgot my white dress

Left him standing, waiting alone

Because I spent so much time wondering how you would feel.

So much time wondering

So much time

I lost.

So much time wondering what if real love never found me?

It never did. 

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